Don’t Let Work Be the Only Pillar of Your Life

Unlike some entrepreneurs who dreamed of starting their own company since childhood, I never imagined that path for myself. I was born and raised in China, where the school system emphasized training students to become dependable employees. If you asked a kid in early 2000s China what they wanted to be, most would say “scientist”, “doctors”, or “engineers”. I was always risk-averse. Like many Asian families, my life followed a formula built around achievement—not work-life balance: get good grades, attend a top school, and land a stable, high-paying job. 

That was the version of success I had been taught to pursue. I still remember my parents praising people who worked long hours to climb the ladder. And when I once voiced, as a child, that I didn’t want to work overtime all the time, I was scolded. In Asian culture, working hard—often to the point of exhaustion—is seen as the clearest path to success.

For a long time, I internalized that belief without questioning it. I climbed the ranks in tech, worked hard, hit every milestone I thought I was supposed to. Until one week, everything came to a head.

My entrepreneurial journey began unexpectedly—during an on-call shift while working as a Tech Lead at Pinterest.

I remember that day vividly. It started at 6 AM with a page. I assumed it would be a quick fix and that I’d still make it to my 7:30 AM Pilates class. But the pages kept coming. What I thought was a simple issue quickly escalated into a cascade of problems. I didn’t stop getting paged until 11 PM and didn’t go to bed until after 1 AM.

The next morning, I woke up thinking I was fine. I dove back into work—resolving leftover issues, attending meetings. But by midday, I had a panic attack. My mind went blank. I couldn’t think. I swapped on-call duty with a colleague and took a nap.

When I woke up, I had a fever. I hadn’t had one since catching COVID three years earlier. My manager offered to take me off the rotation. I declined. I told him I could still handle critical issues. Deep down, I thought: “I’m already miserable—how much worse could it get?” But that wasn’t resilience. It was a lack of knowing how to ask for help.

Day three: the fever got a bit better, but the pages kept coming. I had to cancel a BBQ with friends, even though my body felt a lot better, my mind just couldn’t handle more social events that weekend.

That miserable week forced me to confront a hard truth: work had quietly become the central pillar of my life. I was prioritizing it over everything else—my health, my relationships, even my sense of self. When work is your only pillar, even small disruptions can feel overwhelming—because there’s nothing else to support you when things go wrong.

I began asking myself: Were those pages really that urgent? Did they need to be fixed that day? Was I really the only one who could handle them? The answer to all those questions was no.

Sometimes we define ourselves entirely by our work, and that leads to burnout—mentally, emotionally, and physically. Maybe it’s the pressure of a visa like H1B. Maybe it’s the need for a promotion. Maybe it’s the fear of letting someone down. But at what cost?

Have you missed a friend’s wedding because of work? Delayed seeing your family? Lived on takeout because there was no time to cook?

We keep telling ourselves we’ll rest "later." But when is "later"?

What I’ve come to understand is this: work-life balance isn’t just about time—it’s about honoring all the pillars of your life. If your intention is to spend quality time with family, don’t let a Slack message after hours pull you away from that. What I’ve learned is that most “urgent” requests can wait. All it takes is a conversation with your manager to reset expectations and establish boundaries.

Boundaries aren’t barriers—they’re how we protect space for what truly matters. If you’re constantly reacting to what’s urgent, you risk drifting away from what’s important. Over time, you can become disconnected from your values and the life you intended to build.

By setting boundaries, you reclaim your time and energy. You begin to shape a life grounded in the pillars you choose—not the ones imposed on you. And most importantly, you’ll feel more fulfilled each day, because you’re consciously cultivating your life—rather than functioning like a cog in a machine.

And maybe, your shift—just like mine—can begin today.